" "I'm so sick of fat people... First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"

"I don't care what people think. People are stupid."

"I'm bilingual. I speak profanity and English."

"I got two pet peeves: If you watch American Idol, or you're one of those doofuses who dress up as Star Wars and sleep outside, you're a stone-cold loser."

"Man, there's nothing in the world that makes me as nervous as seeing white people dance."

"People say I eat a lot. I really don't. More or less I just eat all the time."

"This is my schedule: I wake up in the morning, decide where to play golf and drink beer all day."

"I've been rich and poor. Being rich is better."

"I don't listen to the refs. I don't listen to anyone who makes less money than I do."

"The only problem I've had with him is he wanted to go to church and I wanted to go to strip clubs."